I don't know what to say. Here I am standing around with funny face. I just didn't realize when it was start. When I read my friends note, sometimes I feel sad and some part of me wants to hear what he really feel. I want to talk with him then again. I just didn't get it. It's like I want him to share what he feels to me. All of his thought, all of his pain, all of his sadness, all of his happiness. Everything. I feel this is not usually. Know why? Because usually I don't care what others think or feel. Then why?
It is like I want to know him better. It feels like he is the one I could ask to talk. But when the time is come, my tongue was twisted. My lip was tighten up. I don't know what should I say. I don't know where to start. That is why I keep on silence. But tonight I realize that what I feel was wrong. I was thinking, maybe I just want to be needed, I want to look strong. But in the end I was the one that helpless.
I know it's too late for me to realize it. I want someone to talk. When I saw his notes about how is he feel, I kinda feel the same way that I want to talk about it. But in the same time I feel helpless so I denied it. And that is how I make a wall. I don't want others know about me. But I want to know others better. Kinda selfish right? Day by day, every time this feelings come and I didn't talk to him I feel the wall become bigger and bigger.
I don't know when this weird feelings start. But I feel like I want to hear everyone story. Everything. When they didn't say any I got strange feeling. I feel anxious, insecure. I hate it. I want to become strong. I don't want to rely on someone. But in the end, I feel so helpless. So I try stand with my own feet. I think this one called savior syndrome. Iwant to be needed. I want to do something for someone else. But in the end I feel screwed up. This feeling, that I want to help other. I don't think it something bad but to feel almighty because of it, to feel I was the only that can do a thing I have to face it. That's why, I'll face my self.
It is like I want to know him better. It feels like he is the one I could ask to talk. But when the time is come, my tongue was twisted. My lip was tighten up. I don't know what should I say. I don't know where to start. That is why I keep on silence. But tonight I realize that what I feel was wrong. I was thinking, maybe I just want to be needed, I want to look strong. But in the end I was the one that helpless.
I know it's too late for me to realize it. I want someone to talk. When I saw his notes about how is he feel, I kinda feel the same way that I want to talk about it. But in the same time I feel helpless so I denied it. And that is how I make a wall. I don't want others know about me. But I want to know others better. Kinda selfish right? Day by day, every time this feelings come and I didn't talk to him I feel the wall become bigger and bigger.
I don't know when this weird feelings start. But I feel like I want to hear everyone story. Everything. When they didn't say any I got strange feeling. I feel anxious, insecure. I hate it. I want to become strong. I don't want to rely on someone. But in the end, I feel so helpless. So I try stand with my own feet. I think this one called savior syndrome. Iwant to be needed. I want to do something for someone else. But in the end I feel screwed up. This feeling, that I want to help other. I don't think it something bad but to feel almighty because of it, to feel I was the only that can do a thing I have to face it. That's why, I'll face my self.
You know, I thought about this as well on my journey to Aussie... Savior complex. But let me write to you later about that.
BalasHapusWhat a courage you have to face yourself. But I think we need more courage to admit that we ourselves need help from others.
I think... that is the part when I want someone to hear it all from. I need someone to help me face my self. But... I was too scared. And facing it alone will get you nowhere.
BalasHapusWuyyy,,riku..!
BalasHapusayo follback blogQ..!
=P